Poet Sam LaRose

Another evening at No-Black Tie. But instead of the usual jazz or blues acoustic performance, we had poetry. Organised by the British Council, kinda. Jacob Sam LaRose, a non-white (he tried to explain his heritage... which totally confused me) poet from London.

We sat almost in front of the stage: David, Han, Sara and meself! There was the obligatory open mike session which was not so good but only a little less impressive - such audicity and courage! David nearly convinced me to read Sara's shopping list or Things-To-Do on stage as a presage of things to come.

I went home and re-read some of the old stuff I wrote. Sheesh. They were bad!

Tremors

We were at lunch when my collegue informed us that she and another colleague had felt the tremor.
Female colleague: Did you feel that?
Male colleague: Yup. I felt it too.

I made a joke about how romantic that sounded but trust me, it is nothing to joke about when possibly hundreds may have lost their lives in yet another natural disaster. We later learned that it was indeed an earthquake which had killed 70 (and growing) in Indonesia. It was kinda depressing. All the more reason to press on and live Life to the fullest, I say!

Re-claim Your Identity

Somebody sent me an email wishing me a Happy Australia Day. Funny. Because I have been to Australia once for 7 days and I have never considered myself Australian. But it got me thinking about why we think who we are in the first place. A topic of consideration which usually fucks with my brain that I fall asleep from exhaustion.

I then started to rank myself in terms of my allegiance. I like to think that I am a world citizen foremost, a malay who is a friend of other Malaysians and a Muslim to my faithful brothers and sisters. But the truth is; I think I have never been a good Muslim and fear that my faithful siblings will disown me. And since being a Muslim is such an integral part of being a Malay in this country, well… I am fucked in that department too. I have pre-conceptions about Blacks and Jews, Indians and Indonesians, not too mention Indonesians; I have no idea what it means to be an American Native either. So, how can I claim to be a citizen of the world?

Such a quagmire is Identity.

I began to wonder what would happen if I just cut up my MyKad. I wonder if it would be a crime to destroy your own MyKad. Perhaps we could rally Malaysians to cut up their MyKad. Is that sedition? I mean more like a kind of performance art rather than a protest in the vein of Feminism’s bra-burning. Thereafter, we can all go the NRD and kinda claim back our identity. That would be so cool.

Tax Reform

Malaysian Tax to be charged on properties owned and income earned in Malaysia. To qualify for Malaysian Tax status, companies or individuals must earn an income in Malaysia.

Property tax will be at 1% of market value of property and capped at a multiple of the KLCI.

Property tax will be calculated on consolidated basis at the ultimate holding company level.

Income tax will be at 1% and capped at a multiple of the KLCI.

For companies, income tax will be calculated based on net profit at the consolidated level too. For individuals, income tax it will be based on all moneys earned regardless of locality.

Radio and TV

Met up with PY and RR tonight at Asia Cafe, which according to RR has everything he needs: Chicks, Food and Pool. Apparently, it also has funny titled porn. But then again, porn titles are generally rather amusing. But I digress. In fact all of us did tonight. Mostly towards sex.

I wanted to meet up with PY because I owed her some money. And since she was already meeting up with RR, I thought about asking them both about doing a radio show with me. The original idea I had was to do a show at the Centre of Independent Journalism (CIJ). It was conceived after a couple of visits to their headquarters in Ampang. I wanted to do a Sophie's World type of programme, introducing kids and the Malaysian public to philosophy. With possibly actors (i.e. me friends from VTC) playing the role of the major philosophers.

But after tonight's discussion. Everybody thought it was boring. Though they were quite nice about it. It was decided that we needed to do a more accessible show, perhaps a forum type of programme. For example, asking people whether "all was fair in love and war". And let it all flow naturally. I came up with another idea: "If you could be invisible, would you commit a crime?" I thought it would be fun to ask children these type of questions and do an analysis. This would include what philosophers thought about such an ethical quagmire. Other possible ideas include "Time travel: Is it possible to change the past? Would you do it?"

Out of nowhere, RR asked us whether we should do a TV programme instead. We decided that we were going to do one based on our experiences in VTC, which had many weird characters and plenty of drama. PY said we should spice it up by making them have sex with each other. RR said it would be totally cool/fucked up if we cast the people of VTC as themselves. PY said maybe we could have a Simon Cowell character auditioning the wannabe actors! I thought it would be really cool too, if we had Gavin Yap auditioning for the show and our judges huddle and our Simon says: "Nah... He's too Gavin Yap!" Hilarious!

Hence, it was resolved that each of us was to write an idea/synopsis/treatment for one episode. Due next year. I cant wait.

Cinema Close Down

2006 is almost over. It would appear that the free movie screenings by Finas in conjunction with Kaki Kino which was stopped nearly half a year ago has died. It is indeed very sad that movie lovers of this country is deprived due to irresponsible people who are not worthy to be called journalists. People should be allowed to think for themselves. Or else we might as well be sheep. I would like to record for posterity a letter I wrote to the subscribers of Kaki Kino and Finas film buffs, written in April 2006.

Dear all

It really pissed me off to see an incompetent reporter and editor of a newspaper lambasting a decent effort by decent people to watch and learn about film. This reporter did not interview me or many of you whom I believe thoroughly enjoyed the terribly nice movies shown at Finas. I did not see any children there. If wayward children wanted to see nudity they do not have to travel all the way to Finas. They can go to any shopping centre and buy pirated pornography, which is far more graphic, base and totally meaningless. How can someone compare the films to pornography? Must be mad!

The point of the movies shown at Finas is not the nudity (or the violence, which was hardly mentioned in the article written by an OM). I believe these scenes are important and crucial to the story.

It is depressing that the clarion of the nation chose to highlight the nude scenes and not the fact that:
(a) millions of jews were killed by a single mad resolute tyrant (Die-untergang or The Final Day);
(b) the imposition of drugs on the lives of ordinary people (Maria Full of Grace);
(c) conflict and hardships of people who have resorted to killing children in order to raise their own (Blind Shaft); or
(d) Paris can be violent and unromantic and you'll miss your parents when they die and killing their murderers will not help. (The Beat that My Heart Skipped).

I think we should do something about this. Maybe write a petition (see draft petition below, cut and paste, print and send/fax or email it) to the Powers That Be and get the reporter and editor of the Berita Harian dismissed. Because they clearly favour sensationalism and spreading of lies about Finas and Kaki Kino which is unworthy of a national newspaper and unhealthy to our nation and therefore a potential threat to the well-being of her citizens.

p.s.: If this is the reporter (AA) who was awarded the Anugerah Kewartawanan bagi kategori media cetak in 2000 given to him by PAPITA, they should take the award back because clearly this shows a lack of journalism spirit.

pps: Sorry to scare everyone, Finas is not closing down (well not that I know of). I just thought I needed an attention-grabbing Subject Line. Sigh.

pps: If you do not have the time, at the very least spread the word: forward this to everyone on your mailing list.

The Draft Petition

"BRING OUR FILMS BACK" :

Y.B. DATUK ZAINUDIN BIN MAIDIN
Menteri Penerangan,
Kementerian Penerangan,
Tingkat 8, Angkasapuri,
50610 KUALA LUMPUR.

Dear Powers That Be

We the undersigned totally enjoyed the screenings at Finas. The screening was for film enthusiasts. Not for people who wish to watch pornography. No one was hurt by the screening of these films, except perhaps OMs who have no clue what real films are about.

Please grant Finas and Kaki Kino permission to carry on with the screenings of the films in their original form i.e. without censorship. If you are concerned that children will be harmed, we promise that no children will be allowed to enter the cinema and require that every participant register and produce proper identification. Furthermore, we the undersign commit that we are all of child bearing age. This means that if we choose to, we are allowed to get married in real life. Therefore are very likely to indulge in sex. We also declare that we are patriots, willing to die for Malaysia.

Therefore in view that we are legally allowed to have sex and die for our country in real life, we should be allowed to view works of art which depict the reality in which we live in.

As such, we believe that the Powers That Be must recognise our right to behold such works of art if we choose to. Those who object nudity should stay at home and read Popular Fairy Tales. However, skip the Emperor's New Clothes because (spoiler warning -stop reading now if you dont want to know about a major plot twist) there is nudity in there too.

Yours sincerely,
"BRING OUR FILMS BACK" SUPPORTER

[Sign here]

c.c.

Y.A.B. DATO' SERI ABDULLAH BIN HAJI AHMAD BADAWI
Perdana Menteri merangkap Menteri Kewangan dan Menteri Keselamatan Dalam Negeri,
Pejabat Perdana Menteri,
Bangunan Perdana Putra,
Pusat Pentadbiran Kerajaan Persekutuan,
62502 PUTRAJAYA
Fax: 03-88884333

Y.B. DATUK SERI UTAMA DR. RAIS YATIM
Menteri Kesenian, Kebudayaan dan Warisan,
Kementerian Kesenian, Kebudayaan dan Warisan,
Tingkat 36, Menara Dato' Onn,
Pusat Dagangan Dunia Putra,
45, Jalan Tun Ismail,
50694 KUALA LUMPUR

Fax: 03 2691 3758

Perbadanan Kemajuan Filem Nasional Malaysia
Kompleks Studio Merdeka
Jalan Hulu Kelang,
68000 Ampang, Selangor
Fax: 603-41075216

Berita Harian
Balai Berita, 31 Jalan Riong, 59100 Kuala Lumpur
Fax: 03 2283 2425, 03 22824340
E-mail: bh@bharian.com.my

The offending (read: criminal and ironically immoral) article

Babak lucah ditayang di pawagam Finas?

Oleh Akmal Abdullah

BEBERAPA warga filem yang mengikuti tayangan siri filem antarabangsa pada setiap malam Rabu di Pawagam P Ramlee, di Kompleks Studio Merdeka, kesal dan marah terhadap penganjur yang tidak menapis filem berkenaan terlebih terdahulu kerana membiarkan aksi seks dan pelakon berbogel dipertontonkan kepada umum.

Babak tidak senonoh itu dikatakan bukan saja ditunjukkan dalam satu filem tetapi sudah beberapa kali ditayangkan mengikut judul tertentu sejak siri filem antarabangsa diperkenalkan pada Februari lalu, tanpa larangan sesiapa sekalipun ia ditayangkan di pawagam dalam bangunan bangunan milik kerajaan di ibu pejabat agensi perfileman nasional.

Lebih memalukan, beberapa filem yang ditayang itu turut ditonton remaja belasan tahun, pelajar pusat pengajian tinggi dan sekolah yang menemani ibu bapa mereka menerusi siri tayangan filem itu yang dijadikan acara mingguan di ibu pejabat Perbadanan Kemajuan Filem Nasional Malaysia (Finas).

Difahamkan, semua filem yang ditayangkan di situ juga tidak pernah mendapat kelulusan Lembaga Penapisan Filem Malaysia (LPF). Malah, pengurusan Finas juga dikatakan tidak pernah memeriksa terlebih dulu filem berkenaan sebelum ia dipertontonkan kepada umum.

Sesi tayangan itu dikendalikan Institut Alam dan Tamadun Melayu (Atma) Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) dan Kaki Kino, iaitu grup peminat dan perunding filem artistik yang banyak merujuk filem Barat dan Asia untuk pendedahan peminat filem di negara ini.

Tayangan filem berkenaan yang dibuka kepada orang ramai secara percuma dan diberi siaran publisiti termasuk menerusi internet adalah salah satu usaha mengajak peminat filem tempatan menontonnya bertujuan 'mendedahkan filem hebat dari luar negara'.

Sumber-sumber dalam industri berkata, tayangan salah satu filem berjudul Blind Shaft pada 5 April lalu jelas menunjukkan beberapa babak perlakuan pelakon berbogel dan melakukan hubungan seks yang boleh dikategorikan sebagai lucah.

"Adegan lucah seperti seorang pelakon wanita berbogel dan kemudian melakukan hubungan seks tidak wajar ditayang secara terbuka seperti ini, sekalipun atas alasan mahu mengajak penonton menonton filem bermutu dan menarik dari segi artistik atau naratifnya. Apa yang jelas, babak lucah adalah haram ditayang secara terbuka kerana tayangan filem ini dibuka kepada orang ramai.

"Kami berharap Finas dapat memantau kegiatan tayangan filem sebegini. Kementerian Kebudayaan Ksenian dan Warisan juga harus bertanggungjawab memastikan tidak ada pihak menyalahgunakan kemudahan dan pawagam kerajaan untuk membenarkan filem tidak bermoral ditayangkan secara terbuka.

"Lebih mengecewakan, tayangan filem sebegini dianjurkan Atma iaitu satu agensi akademik dari UKM yang memperjuangkan alam, adab, budaya, pemikiran dan tamadun Melayu," kata sumber itu.

Selain Blind Shaft, iaitu filem dari China arahan Li Yang, antara babak lucah lain dan aksi bogel yang pernah ditunjukkan ialah menerusi filem Korea, berjudul Spring Summer Autumn Winter...And Spring arahan Kim ki-duk yang ditayangkan di pawagam sama pada 1 Mac lalu.

Merujuk kepada risalah publisiti yang diterima Hip dan dikeluarkan Atma UKM dan Kaki Kino, antara individu yang mengendalikan urusan penayangan filem berkenaan ialah Ahli Lembaga Pengarah Finas sendiri, Dr Wan Zawawi Ibrahim yang juga Karyawan Tamu Atma serta Gareth A Richards dari Kaki Kino.

Filem Jerman papar aksi wanita tunjuk buah dada

SEORANG penonton yang enggan namanya disiarkan berkata, dia mengaku turut bersama menonton semua filem berkenaan yang ditayang di Pawagam P Ramlee menerusi siri tayangan berkenaan dan mendapati memang ada babak lucah dan bogel dibiarkan tanpa potongan pada filem tertentu.

"Secara undang-undang dan moral, ia nyata memang lucah dan tidak boleh ditayangkan kepada umum, apatah lagi ditayang dalam kawasan bangunan kerajaan. Selain Blind Shaft dan satu filem Korea, saya juga pernah menonton satu filem Jerman berjudul Die-untergang (The Final Day) yang mengisahkan sejarah Hitler tetapi dalam satu adegan berparti, ada babak aksi watak perempuan menunjukkan buah dada. Saya terkejut kerana filem itu tidak dipotong.

"Penganjur sesi tayangan ini harus lebih bertanggungjawab dan menghantar filem berkenaan terlebih dulu untuk tapisan kepada LPF. Memang babak lucah tidak disiarkan dalam tempoh lama iaitu cuma sekitar beberapa saat tetapi ia dipaparkan secara kerap," kata penonton itu.

Seorang karyawan filem yang turut bersama menonton Blind Shat dan Spring Summer Autumn Winter... And Spring mengaku terkejut apabila babak seks secara terang diperontonkan di pawagam berkenaan dan menegur wakil penganjur kerana babak itu tidak sesuai untuk tayangan kepada orang ramai.

"Tetapi teguran saya tidak diendahkan mereka. Malah, mereka beri alasan tidak perlu hantar filem berkenaan kepada LPF kerana banyak kerenah birokrasi. Saya dan beberapa kawan yang datang menonton filem pada malam berkenaan juga terasa malu dan marah apatah lagi ada remaja dan pelajar turut bersama menonton. Kami jadi tidak selesa," katanya yang berhasrat menghantar surat aduan kepada Finas dan Atma.

Pawagam P Ramlee terletak di tingkat dua ibu pejabat Perbadanan Kemajuan Filem Nasional Malaysia (Malaysia). Siri tayangan filem itu menyajikan judul filem asing atau filem tempatan hasil pengarah indie untuk seminggu sekali pada setiap Rabu.

Untuk bulan ini, filem yang dipilih ialah Blind Shaft (5 April), The Beat That My Heard Skipped (12 April), Machuca (19 April), King's game (26 April) dan The Big Durian (29 April).

Form my own Political Party!

If I were the Prime Minister, this will be what I would do:

1. Take no paycheck.
2. Gradually change the taxation system to eventually collect:
1. No taxation on government employees’s incomes;
2. Minimal taxation as low as 5% on incomes of individuals and public listed companies;
3. Maximum taxation of 10% on incomes of private enterprise;
4. Flat rate property tax of 2% for all Malaysians (individuals and enterprise), on any Malaysian property
3. Disband the censorship board and allow the unions/associations to set-up their own rating systems for books, movies and other performance arts.
4. Raise the poverty line to RM5,000 and remove those under it within 15 years.
5. Gradually turn the government into a 24 hour service center. But reduce working hours for government employees, through shifts.
6. School starts at 5 and ends at 16 years. Tests only for entrance to universities given by universities and audited by the Ministry of Education.
7. Make the government pay for the teaching of all 17 year olds to drive cars AND motorcycles properly and let insurance companies decide whether to give individuals a licence to drive. JPJ will no longer test students but will still give out licences.
8. Voting, driving, drinking, smoking, consenting/contractual ages to be standardised: 18 years.
9. No more billboards because there is no censorship.
10. Legalise and regulate, gambling, recreational drugs and prostitution.
11. Remove information on race and religion from NRICs. They are irrelevant. Ban DNA tagging too, because soon it will be possible to access/hack your DNA using your NRIC.
12. Merge SOCSO and EPF.
13. National service: First: after school or 18, whichever earlier and Second: after retirement or 55, whichever earlier.

Horny Animals

People get so worked up about the strangest things: like Horny Gay Animal Sex. And I dont mean that in the euphemistic sense. Some animals really like going to Brokeback Mountain. But it is kinda silly for people to get upset about the new exhibit at the Museum of Natural History, Oslo, Norway, called Against Nature.

Seriously, people who eat animals really cannot take the high road when it comes to how other animals should live. Oh- the irony of it all.

Prude: These people should go to hell.
Me: Why?
Prude: Because we should not be exposing our kids to this kind of shit.
Me: Whose kids?
Prude: Kids in general.
Me: I dont mind my kids learning about how animals fuck each other, we have internet. They've seen worse.
Prude: I am not talking to you.
Me: Oh dont run away, cant we be friends?
Prude: Wifey, kids, lets go to lunch.
Wife: Let's go to Nando's.
Me: Do you kids know that a lot of animals taste like chicken?
Kids: They do?
Me: And you know why?
Kids: Why?
Me: Because a lot of them like to eat cock.
Prude: Why you... (chasing after me)

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum

With lyrics and music from Stephen Sondheim you cant really go wrong.

The kids at International School KL are unsurprisingly talented. That much I expected and the forgiving crowd could do worse. For RM15, I thought it was a steal! From the sweeping show tunes to epic production sets, crazy costume designs to the cast and crew of more than 40, it had all the elements of a great musical. In a word: VeryCamp.

From the moment Pseudolus (George Zahir Mawji Bull, great voice effortless acting) came on stage announcing that it is indeed comedy tonite, the audience was hooked. The story set in Rome revolves around lovers, politicians, courtesans, slaves, eunuchs, bumbling soldiers, cross dressing, disguises and mistaken identity (intentional), with, as divulged in the opening number: of course a happy ending.

Pseudolus, a slave wanting to be "Free" struck up a bargain with his master's young son, Hero (Drew Leusner, suitably awkward): Freedom in exchange for the love of his life. Concocting one scheme after another, the deft Pseudolus masterminded the whole affair: First by seeking out the fair virgin, Philia (Elissa Daniels, whose got the looks and the voice to carry "Lovely") who apparently lives in the notorious House of Marcus Lycus (Ankit Panda, being unclean was never so funny) with his bevy of nefarious beauties, comprising among others, a belly dancer, gemini twins and a dominatrix. Thereafter, Pseudolus tricks Lycus into thinking that she has the plague, diagnosed by her incessant smiling, quipping that the whole of Crete was full of people lying and smiling.

Conveniently, Hero's parents, Senex (Andrew Chiw, who apprently looks like moi) the senator and his wife, Domina (Shruti Sehgal, who effectively brought bad singing, though completely in tune, into higher art) have gone to the country thus leaving the Chief Slave, Hysterium (Reihan Nadarajah, who relishly plays quite possibly the gayest character on the show) in charge of the household.

Alas Hero and Philia, whose sole talent is being lovely, cannot be together because she has been sold to Miles Gloriosus (Balazs Szabo, undiscovered potential perhaps), a pompous narcissitic violent captain. Thus, a plan is hatched to fake Philia's death, with a sleeping potion (courtesy of the reluctant accomplice Hysterium who apparently is an erotic pottery collector) ala Romeo and Juliet. The plan foils though as Philia is a religious Cretin and refuses to drink the wine (which has been spiked). In the meantime, she takes refuge in Senex's house.

Imagine Pseudolus' and Hysterium's shock when Senex returns earlier than expected. Philia duped into thinking that Senex is Captain Gloriosus and Senex conned into thinking she is the new maid (because "Everybody Oughta Have A Maid") hired to satisfy his every whim caused Hero much anxiety even as the real Gloriosus is fast approaching.

With no bride to speak of and the contract for the sale of Philia paid for, Lycus decides to move his entourage of kinky gals to Senex's house, while Pseudolus assumes his identity. To make matters worse, Domina returns suspecting that her husband is up to something, as she puts it: low. To do so, she disguises herself as a blonde maiden in a flowing white robe.

Luckily, Senex is preparing to take Philia at his absent neighbour's house, Erroneus (Synovve Eriksen) who has been searching for his long lost children who are only recognizable by their matching rings, engraved with at least a gaggle of seven geese.

Time for plan B: find a body double to fool Gloriosus in the form of a dead cross dressing Hysterium, donning a blonde wig and white flowing robe. Upon his arrival, Gloriosus was at first angry that his bride-to-be was nowhere to be found and later, grief stricken that his betrothed is dead. But when he wants his bride to be cremated, it was the last straw for Hysterium who stirs from his reluctant demise. And a keystone chase sequence ensues.

Finding no way out, Pseudolus confesses that he has fooled everyone and vows to kills himself (which he unsuccessfully faked by drinking the sleeping potion). Thus the masquerade is revealed and all is put right. Or so it seems. But just as Gloriosus gets his paws on his would-be bride, Erroneus discovers that Gloriosus and Philia both have the geese rings, meaning that they are brother and sister. Eww.

Thus, finally Hero claims his true love Philia, Erroneus is united with his family, Senex reconciles with his wife (claiming that he could see through her disguise as the fair Philia) and Pseudolus (having drank a passion potion instead of the sleeping potion) became a slave once again, keeping the promise: Comedy Tonight/A Happy Ending.

Democracy

I believe in Democracy more than any other type of government. But Democracy is not always possible or even feasible. I believe it only works if the vox populi truly care about the nation and willing to learn from their mistakes. If you have a country full of idiots who do not give a damn about what happens to them then they will elect one of themselves.

A true leader must carve out his moment in history. Sometimes situations arise which compels such leaders to come forward but these only occur in times of crises. In times of peace, it takes even more courage to rock the boat. But it is when the waters are still that is the time for us to take a chance and leap into the water and swim to the great shore, instead of paddling or waiting for the wind to change.

Ooh. Enough metaphor.

Faking It

I sometimes wonder how can people claim not to know where their money came from? If I came into a bit of money and gave it to my parents, they would ask me where it was from. Besides, if I knew that they would not approve of it, I would not let them come near the money. Is it really ethical to let your parents sow the seeds of your evil deeds?

Corporate governance is a key issue in today’s corporations but the regulators are too stupid to distinguish between sensitive information and trade secrets. In any business, intelligence is as important as operations. Many disclosure requirements are arbitrary and in the end time wasters.

In another story, a man who was supposed to get married discovered that he was already married with one child. It is a mystery how the NRD can make such blunders when presumably the MyKad is a secure and impenetrably encoded that it would be hard for any one to fake it. But there you go.

Sorry: From one Statesman to Another

I believe in freedom of expression. When I say this I mean anything verbal or action which does not physically harm others. I believe insults are okay but lies about others are not. Besides what people say is very different from what they do mostly. What a bind have Former PM Lee and Current PM Badawi have gotten into. Personally, I think Badawi can afford to be more gracious. The Chinese have never been marginalised. On the contrary, they have been very good at seizing opportunity when other Malaysians have merely stood still.

Without this race Malaysia would not be where it is today. We are not like other countries. Even the United States of America (USA) had the unspoken commonality of being a Christian country. We are a melting pot (or politically correct: salad) of cultures. As in any other culture, there will be dominant one and others relegated to behind the scenes. Race has always been used as a politically button in this country. I doubt anyone can deny ever thinking that if they were of a different race, things would be different. Some have even wished that they are white and lament the situation of their African American brethren’s situation in the USA, in private. So, among friends, we can say and do things that may sound racist or inciteful. But let us not take things out of context, these are off-the-cuff comments and should be treated as such.

What we should really be asking is this: Why are we so hung up on our skin colour? I doubt that in 1,000 years time, there will be any pure Malay, Indian, Chinese or Kadazan, anyhow.

Overhauling the DBP

I do not generally read Malay books. But here I am writing one. I find the Malay language has a nuanced about it that is both poetic yet clear. I am no expert in the language but I do find it appalling that after 50 years of independence, we are still struggling to make the language relevant.

I personally love the idea of the Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka: A repository of Malay culture and literature, the guardian of our national language and the pioneer of Malay lexicography by coming up with new words and stamping its approval for new phrases. There have been many attempts at instilling pride in our language but somehow it always fell short and we as a race and a nation feel inadequate at times to handle deluge of information and cultural stimuli which are far more fluid and alluring than our own.

So what do we do?

The government will write its letters in Bahasa Malaysia and its audience will attempt to decipher it into some other language, foremost English. There was a time where Malay was the lingua franca of the region. That time has passed. We do not speak the same tongue as our neighbour, Indonesia. In fact, due to differences in dialect and geopolitics our languages have less similarities than we dare to admit. Add on to the fact that in Malaysia itself, people in the north and south, east and west coast and for that matter the far flung regions of Sabah and Sarawak, speak very different Bahasa Melayu.

By law, companies seeking listing on the Stock Exchange of Kuala Lumpur are required to issue prospectuses in Bahasa Melayu which hardly anyone reads. I agree it provides an avenue for the vocabulary of the language to grow and provide good employment to quite a few people in the industry. But as far as real usage and real impact on the language, I do not see it.

Local television stations air shows and advertisements in multiple languages in order to capture every market possible. Heaven forbid if they should offend any particular ethnic minority by ignoring their mother tongue or the national language.

I fear however that the language may be dying or it may evolve into a creole like English and fail to preserve its authentic meaning. But then again, the meaning of words is forever changing. But as custodian of a potentially dying culture, the DBP must act now to make itself more relevant. Thus, I propose we do something different. Something radically different:

-We should restructure the Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka into something like the British Council. There should be a DBP in every major city in the world.
-We should insist that all foreign students learn the basics of the language (provided free by the DBP) before commencing their education in this country.
-We require all foreign content must be translated before dissemination to the public, exempt only local firms who publish such content. These will include films and books for a start.
-All Bahasa Malaysia works in literature, film and performance arts will not be censored but must be rated by the respective guilds, e.g. the Screen writers Guild, the Theater Professionals Guild and endorsed by the DBP.
-DBP to oversee and manage foreign content, in the end the Censorship Board shall cease to exist.
-National service should include a stint as a Bahasa Malaysia teacher, the DBP will play a crucial role in the deployment and outsourcing of this function.
-Applicants for permanent residence must have basic knowledge of the language. DBP again will be the arbiter of standards.
-DBP should compile Top Ten Books of the Year and recognise local talent in literature. They do not even have a Top 100 Malay Books.
-DBP should organise more writing competitions with bigger prize money and glamour. The aim is to discover a nobel prize nominee if not winner.

Gripes and Updates

1. This will go on record as the worst car insurance scheme EVER! I have been waiting for my car to be delivered from those monsters from Kurnia Insurance workshop. I have a feeling this will all end very badly. In any case, I may or may not get my car and compensation by the end of the year.

2. My parents are here to take care of my sis A who apparently has a swollen ankle due to a fall.

3. It is fasting month and I should really be going to the mosque or something. At least I am thinking good thoughts. Didnt smoke the whole day! That was amazing.

4. I am trying to finish my novel. After not writing for more than seven years, I find it hard. Not surprisingly, I cant think of anything to write. So, I am doing a lot of research. That means, plagiarising a lot from wikipedia and the like.

5. I have also lost my job. Initially, the management decided to transfer me around to see if I fit in anywhere. Apparently, I am not. That sucks. Now that I have found new employment, I am totally being abused by all parties until my last day. Damn it! I should be at my new employer's where I can be of more use not to mention earning bigger bucks.

6. Celebrated my birthday. Firstly, my bestest of friends got me an MP3 player. Wow! Secondly, on the actual birthday, I was surprised with a cake. Thirdly, 2 hot chicks took me out for lunch. Then we thought it was the start of Ramadhan, right in the middle of my 4th cigarette. Great! I feel so unaccomplished. I must finish the damn book.

7. The world is going crazy: People killing each other. Teachers throwing their students off the building. Rapists and murderers getting fair trials! What the hell is going on? The pope gets in trouble for deragatory remarks against Muslims! Like they dont do that at the Friday sermons. Sigh!

8. I must remind myself not to succumb to peer pressure. Or else I'd be married or with child and not even know who the hell the mother is.

9. I am decidedly broke. I have over-estimated my earnings potential and had too high gearing. So, now I need to do a personal financial restructuring. I hate that. I am too lazy for all this shit. I keep thinking that I should be more reckless and let my insurance company pay for it when I finally die.

You Cant Go Home

Went home for the National Day weekend by train. I love trains. But JB has turned into a real horrible town where nothing happens and properties are in shambles. Or maybe it has always been that way. It took moving to KL for me to realise it. Probably. I was contemplating selling my condo and working myself out of debt. That was when I realized: I will never be rich. Not in the material sense. I doubt I am or will be in the spiritual or intellectual sense either. I am far too lazy and dependent on the kindness of others. But does it really matter? I think buying property is probably the greatest scam ever. Did you know that the Founding Fathers of the USA actually hated banks and money? They figured that usury and a monetized economy where papers are worth more than labour and land is morally wrong.

What if we did not own any property? People keep telling me: It is better that you own property than renting from someone. At the end of the day, at least you would own a piece of land or building. Is this a logical argument? So what if you owned the property? When I die, it will be inherited by somebody or if you have no will it will be ‘absorbed’ by the government. So, it is better to invest in a good company, where moneys will be flowing through the economy. That is why I think it is better for you to own shares or invest in REITs. From these investments, you shall be able to generate sufficient cash flows at a lower risk. This is because you will be investing in a tradeable security and the income therefrom you can rent a property in which to live. Only if you have a child, I think it would make sense for you to purchase any property. Even if you are married, it would be more worthwhile to rent because of the freedom it affords.

So my advice to those who just started work:
1. Insure yourself heavily by spending most of your money on insurance for the next 5 years. After that, the interest will be able to cover the premiums. As you get older, the premiums will cost you more, hence saving you money. Set a goal such as sum insured of RM1 million by 40 years old etc.
2. Write a will. This will teach you about yourself and assess your life’s goals and to chart the path forward. For instance, why do you want to earn so much money for? Is it for your retirement? When will you retire? Is it for posterity? Will you want to bequeath your wealth to a charity or close friends and/or family members?
3. Put away 6 months income in cash or bonds before you invest in shares or property.
4. Use credit wisely. If you have a guaranteed income, it is better to use other people’s money first. I figured, if you die, you can always use the insurance money to pay off your debts. However, if you are unable to generate income due to illness etc. Then credit is a waste of money. Thank god you have insurance!
5. Purchase only good shares (i.e. blue chips) such that their cumulative worth is equivalent to 6 month’s income before you invest in property.
6. Do not purchase property until you are ready to have children. I assume that you will share parental duties with another person who will either organise your personal life better to get ahead in your career or you both have a steady income flow. Thus allowing you the luxury of buying your own home. Otherwise, don’t do it! The hassles of having your own home is not really worth it. There are so many incidental expenses.

But then again, a home is a comforting place. And for some its worth every penny just to get a slice of that.

AAA: Now Almost

I dunno how it happened and I am wondering if the movie we planned will turn out the way it did. It was traumatising that A decided to dump us at the last minute. After watching Broken Bridges, I realised that he had made the right choice. It was all very drama.

July was hell because I was ill-prepared for the task of producing the movie which initially entitled Almost Always Already became just Almost. I think it apt because it almost didnt make it. I had to remind myself that it was supposed to be fun. If it was silly and pointless, we at least made some new friends. Enjoy the experience and live life to the fullest.

Emotions ran high and I got everyone miffed at my sometimes incompetence. I generally liked to rely on serendipity and miracles. We finished the shoot and after I began my downward spiral of self denial, self pity and eventually infecting my good friend and editor.

I am so scared that this film is not going to be finished because we do not have the tools. I am completely useless when it comes to editing. It feels like a lot of work. I have this feeling that this movie will not be completed on time. Perhaps only by the end of the year.

I have also decided to write more shit. For posterity.

AAA: Taboo!

There was way too much food. And we played Taboo! Damn fun. Check us out!

Samuel: I like it when girls do this in the mud.
Azmyr: WRESTLE!

Dennis: You eat this after a main course. It is round...
Us: Is it a fruit? Avocado?
Dennis: Close.
Us: Cucumber? Pineapple?
Dennis: It walks on the ground.
Us:?

Somebody: Spain. Animal.
Somebody: Bull
Everyone?
Somebody: Shit!

Samuel: Another word for dick.
Profanities followed.
Samuel: You can eat it.
Everyone:?
Somebody: Sausage.
Samuel: Right!

Some more pictures.

AAA: Meeting 7

Met up with the cast and crew last night. I know I should really be at work right now. I have been trying to post some pix of our meetings but the internet is giving me hell. Anyways, did not take any pictures of the meeting yesterday but there were heated discussions about traffic violations and in particular use of handicapped parking lots by perfectly normal people, if there is such a thing.

FPS could not get his bootleg copy of Mission Impossible II to work. Hence he convinced me to meet up at Uptown to exchange the damaged goods. As it were. Aside: Isn't it amazing that illegitimate establishments have return policies and none of the big name brands do that? Bizarre. I tell you.

Anyway, considering that we have spent the most part of this long weekend together, FPS suggested wisely to organise a meeting of the cast and crew before things turned brokeback. FYI, we had gone to Penang for a Toastmaster convention and I was not partial to watch MI:2.: Thandie Newton notwithstanding. Lick, smack lips.

The meeting without any particular agenda took place at Mosin, TTDI which began in earnest when LLL arrived in an oversized blue T-shirt. A few minutes later, A joined us also in a T-shirt. DL and T came right after. Both wearing tight fitting T-shirts. Why I notice these things is beyond me. I would recommend people to choose suitably sized T-shirts in the future because clothes make the man, I think. But alas I too was wearing a shrunk T-shirt and therefore in no position to really criticize.

If you think the above paragraph is pointless, well you will have an inkling of what it was like to be there as the better half of the discussion centred around the aforementioned handicapped parking zones.

Some notable quotes of the evening and I assure you there were too numerous to actually be remembered and recorded herein:

LLL on the (as-she-puts-it) Jerk who reported her to the KLCC car park management for parking at the handicapped spot, resulting in her car being clamped: If he can walk around a shopping centre, why can he not walk to the lift?

A on seeing LLL taking ages chopping up her roti canai into little pieces: You dont go to mamak often, do you?
LLL: What?
A: You can ask them to potong you know?
LLL: I was not aware that it was a service they provided.

LLL on how she avoided paying the fine on the clamped: I took the offensive and told the guy that I was giving a lift to a disabled person.
A: At least you didnt tell him you were blind.

Later T said: Well she cant, she would need a walking stick.
Everyone:?
A: Blind people dont drive!

D on his peeing technique: I stand from the door. It's like a drive by shooting.
T: But how aboout trajectory?

AAA: Meeting 6

Zul’s place.

Met up with Zul who has agreed to let us use his place for the shoot. Spiffy! Watched the Ladykiller's with Tom Hanks. Interesting but way too black for me. Bizarre!

AAA: Meeting 5

A met up with Z and R at KLCC because we could not figure anywhere else better. They read the script as I look on nervously. We discussed what they wanted to do with their parts. I cast Z as Rachel and R as Mary.