Wan Azhar's Day Off

Had a day off from work today. Forced by my employers but I was very willing participant. So, I managed to kill off one more credit card today. I even made a list. Woke up really early too: 6.00am. Rode my bike around the neighbourhood. Lifted some iron. Then I went to Citibank and cancelled my credit card. It was somewhat liberating.

The year is almost over and interestingly I am still alive though everyday I am slowly losing my mind. Oh there it is. After the bank thing I did something crazy: I went to Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka. It was damn embarrassing to go there and not really knowing why I was there. Okay, I knew why I was there but it was kind of hard to articulate to Security what I wanted without sounding pretentious and stupid all at the same time.

Thank god I was in a good mood. Because trying to do the thing I wanted to do seemed to be hindered every step of the way. Or it could be perceived so to the untrained and demotivated. Which by the way I qualify almost every other day. Firstly, the road to KL is jammed. But we all knew that. Secondly, I was cutting it a bit close with the lunch hour. Any later and I could have missed my appointment with a very important but unknown entity at DBP. Thirdly, I could not get to the place because the roads were closed. I had to park all the way across the street near that spooky grave yard behind the ugliest building ever: Menara MAA. Next hurdle, I had to explain to the Security at Menara DBP, which by the way is even uglier and rather big, why I was there. As usual, they are not sure where I should go. So they sent me to the 13^th floor. In retrospect, it did sound ominous. No one was there. I wonder what is their business model. Then at last someone showed up who directed me to the 19^th floor. There again I was told to go to the 22^nd floor and eventually 11^th Floor.

By that time I had the hang of explaining what I wanted to do: Publish my novel. Sigh. See? It is so pretentious. They asked me a question: Is my novel complete? No. I want to know how do I get it published, sounding more stupid every minute. Plus I sound alien when I speak Malay. Sheesh. Finally, a lady came over to assist me.

Alright, here is what I must do: Finish my manuscript and submit to DBP. They will assess whether my work is publishable. If yes then they will help with editing. If not then they will return the manuscript to me. All this apparently takes up to a year. Sounds simple enough. She then gave me a pamphlet and contact details of an officer who organizes workshops for writers. I need help. In more ways than one. After that little adventure my walk back to the car seemed anticlimatic.

After, I tried to find a place to eat lunch which had wifi. Failed. So, I ended up at home and went to sleep. I feel like I wasted this whole day. Maybe I should continue writing that book…

Public Phones Vandalism

In 2002, the two then payphone operators in the country, Telekom Malaysia Berhad (“TM”) and Time Reach Sdn Bhd (“TR”), lost a total of RM48 million to fraud and vandalism. TR and TM operate 42,000 and 80,000 pay phones respectively. This means that for every phone they are making a loss of approximately RM393.

Personally, I think the shareholders of TM and TR should consider giving away handphone (which cost less than RM100 nowadays) to registered foreign workers and tourists. Make sure that everyone in this country owns a handphone. Then there would be no need to service these pay phones and mitigate vandalism and frauds. Instead, TM and TR should set up handphone recharging sites/booths at strategic locations. This will solve the problem of foreigners and tourists not having access to telephones in this country.

Secondly, TM and TR should set up kiosks at convenience stores such as 7-Elevens and petrol kiosks that allow free use of skype as an emergency tool. Without public pay phones, this will allow the other segment of the population to still communicate: those who forgot to bring their phones.

Third and finally, TM and TR should give away phones to lower income families. Using these phones, users will have to listen to a short advertisement before making their free call. This will cater to those who use pay phones because they cannot afford one.

In short, forget the stupid public pay phones, they are mostly eyesores and do not even work. So why bother? Even AT&T, the American telecommunications behemoth is getting out of this stupid business.

Teresa's Birthday

My camera died. So no more pictures. Organized a birthday party at Laundry again. Gosh! The music sucked this time around. Mainly because the DJ sucked. Sigh! Last year's was better. Happy birthday, Old Bitch! Still Sexy!

Beggars and Panhandlers

I would like to put an end to begging. I always wonder who these people are and how my money is going to be spent: Will it be used to pay for administration or directly in the helping of the needy? How will I know that this person is legitimate? As I ponder these questions, I feel pressured to give and when you give in doubt, you are insincere. Thus making the donation less altruistic than it should be.

I hate stealing of any kind, it robs you not only of material possessions but casts a shadowy cloud over humanity. It taketh away the sense of justice and mercy that the virtuous act of giving is supposed to uphold.

I have heard rumours of syndicates who use the disabled to arouse sympathy, of miscreants who feign incapacity to collect donations and of organisations who are fronts of criminal activity under the guise of religiousity and charity that fool the public. I have personally experienced individuals seeking donations who have been ‘endorsed’ by a letter from some authority. I often wondered why the government issue out such letters claiming the authenticity of these fund raisers, when tax payers have already contributed precisely to manage their welfare.

Therefore, I would like to put forward a programme to eliminate this potential menace by requesting:

1. The government to publicise its welfare programmes and encourage those who wish to help the needy nominate the candidate through proper channels.

2. The establishment of a Charities Commission to oversee the management of charity organisation and those seeking to solicit funds from the public. The proposed terms of reference of the Charities Commission may be viewed here.

3. To make public the names of all tax-exempt charity organisations and their Board of Directors. This task should be handled by a separate organisation (I dub it Charities Exchange) under the purview of the Home Ministry. Its function is to mirror Bursa Malaysia of maintaining adequate disclosure and accountability of the highest order. In conjunction the Society’s Act should perhaps be amended. Please post any proposed amendments below. The Standard Operating Procedure is also enclosed for public discussion here.

4. To cease and desist of issuing of letters on government stationery purporting to allow and support individuals to collect funds from the public.

5. The establishment of policies and rules for soliciting donations. Please refer here for the proposed policies and rules.

6. To criminalise panhandling and begging. The Commission should establish guidelines for handling such cases. For example:

· All donations must be issued with receipts.

· Fundraiser must introduce and identify himself before seeking donation.

· All donations must be accounted for and in a archival form.

· Only telephone, mail and email fundraising are allowed.

· Charity organisations must have Data Protection policies and standards to secure the privacy of its donors.

I believe this is an issue of great concern to our national security. If you support the same, please sign the attached petition. I would also be most appreciative if you participate in the discussion by providing your opinions and comments on the draft documents that will form part of this petition.

Proposed Terms of Reference for Charities Commission

OBJECTIVES:

1. Ensure that charity organisations are properly registered and managed professionally.

2. Create public awareness to give responsibly.

3. Handle complaints from the public on charity organisations and assist the commonwealth and collect evidence of mismanagement of donation funds.

4. Provide advice on best practices for charities.

5. Educate public on the importance of charitable donations to nation-building.

POWERS OF THE CHARITIES COMMISSION:

1. Make public its recommendation and reasons to deregister charity organisations.

2. Make public its recommendation and reasons to remove any director or employee of a charity organisation under the

3. Prepare and make public through an annual report of its activities

4. Conduct inquiries into public perception and opinions on charity organisations and volunteer activities to achieve its objectives.

5. Conduct training and forums to enhance the effectiveness and professionalism of charity organisations.

MEMBERS OF THE CHARITIES COMMISSION:

1. The Charities Commission will comprise:

a. The Chairman appointed by the Prime Minister/Home Minister.

b. The Chief Executive elected by the members;

c. The Treasurer assigned by Governor of Bank Negara

d. The Trustee(s) appointed by the Chairman.

2. The Chairman’s duties will be to act as figurehead and moderator for the decisions made by the Commission.

3. The Chief Executive provides the day-to-day policy and operational decisions.

4. The Treasurer reports to the Charities Commission on the collections and disbursement of Commission’s income and expenses;

5. The Trustee(s) are responsible for the various aspects of the running of the Commission and assisting the members to achieve the objectives of the Commission.

Proposed Operations of the Charities Exchange

VISION: Transparent giving by open standards.

MISSION: Provide the framework for general public to assess and evaluate charitable organisations and projects.

OBJECTIVES:

1. Register all charity organisations.

2. Act as depository of financial and other accounting records of charities.

3. Provide assistance in establishing charities to ensure compliance with international standards of financial and other reporting.

4. Publicise and champion the achievements of its member organisations.

MEMBERS OF THE CHARITIES EXCHANGE:

1. All charity bodies must register with the Exchange. This includes details of its management, affiliations, projects on hand, future plans and general mission and objective and modus operandi.

2. Members must submit quarterly or yearly reports on its activities to the Exchange.

3. The Board must approve register the organisation and publicise the main functions and purpose of the organisations within 3 days of submission.

4. Only charity bodies which have registered with the Exchange may collect funds from the public. Prior to collection, it must provide its fundraising targets for its project(s).

5. It may only disburse its funds in the manner set out in its charter or fundraising plan.

6. Charity bodies must submit electronically to the Exchange of its fundraising activities beforehand.

7. Re-direct all complaints it receives from donors on errant or misconduct by charitable organisations and their management to the Charities Commission.

Get Things Done

Why cant people get things done? It is an absolute mystery to me. When I say people, I mean me. There are apparently loads of things I need to do. But I am unable to do them. For instance, finishing writing a book. Or getting back into shape. Or start giving back to society. I am just fucking selfish, lazy and totally cheapskate. Sheesh. The exact qualities I look for in an enemy.

I feel that I am not reading enough. So, a bunch of us have started our very own Book Club. I have been watching way too much tv. TV is the bane of urban life. I am so glad that I have no interest in video games. Or else I would just vegetate at home. YouTube could potentially be another source of Life Sucking. I could not believe I spent an entire day watching YouTube 2 weeks ago. OK. I exaggerate. It was only half a day. But I spent the other half a day talking to my friends about the genius of Ellen Degeneres and Russell Peters.

Maybe I need to have a daily Things To Do. Like I used to. Damn. My Life is just wasting away. Oooh. Just thinking about it makes me tired. Sheesh! What is wrong with me? I think I have just topped this previous post.

Opernplatz

The first meeting was to discuss how the book club was to work. We met up at Secret Recipe, Taman Desa. I had cake. Yummy.

The discussion as usually wandered far and wide, including this spoof video of the Great Escape by Gwen Stefani. Among the books that were up for discussion include:
1. God Delusion by Richard Dawkins.
2. Perfume: The Story of a Murder by Patrick Suskind
3. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret by Judy Blume
4. 100 Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez (author) and Gregory Rabassa (Translator)
5. East of Eden by John Steinbeck
6. Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie
7. Gilead by Marilynne Robinson - which David will borrow from Limmy.
8. Animal Farm by George Orwell
9. American Gods by Neil Gaiman
10. The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
11. The Shipping News by E. Annie Proulx
12. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides.


Since there were only 3 of us attending, we have decided to read 2 books from the above. Up for discussion will be Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides sometime in mid-July 2007 at a location to be decided by WaiPing. In the following month, probably in mid August 2007 we will be discussing Gilead by Marilynne Robinson.

Kuala Gandah Elephant Sanctuary

A bunch of us went to see some elephants. Amazing creatures. Very thoughtful beings. Why would anyone want to hunt them down is beyond me.

Check out more stuff at Nellie's Blog. Anyways, for posterity, let me record my version of the journey today.

745am: Pick up H at her house
830am: Reached Nell's house where she and Olynn.
900am: Amir arrives.
1100am: Reach Kuala Gandah Elephant Sanctuary.
1200pm: Drinkies at Saudi Cafe. Which btw do not look anything like an Arabic establishment. Sheesh!
1200pm: Visited the Orang Asli Camp. They are from the Che Wek tribe. According to the guide they are a very shy people who rely on the forest. I felt ambivalent about how the camp who was a teacher and Islamic missionary were trying to modernise their lives. Yet retain their cultural heritage. They put on a dance and played with bamboo percussion instruments. I even tried my hand at the sumpit.
100pm: Watched a video about an elephant relocation/rescue. I accidentally poked a girl in the dark whom I thought was Nellie. Oops. Move over Britney!
200pm: Finally feeding time for the pachyderms. While the mammals enjoyed their fruits, Amir and I feasted our eyes on babes in bikinis who were unclear about the dress code. Oh bless them!
300pm: Then my turn to ride the elephants. Woohoo!
400pm: It was a damn hot day. It was great to take a dip in the river, together with our giant friends.
500pm. Time to go home. Hurrah!

And it was virtually free! We only paid for toll, fuel and gave some donations, including the leftover snacks we never ate.

Packed Weekend

What a long weekend it was. It started on Friday night with our movie having another screening at Zouk, courtesy of Filmmakers Anonymous. Almost everyone showed up and a few were quite pleased with what we have done. I must put on record my appreciation to Zul and FPS. The rest of the gang, actors and helpers proved to be just as committed and I was glad that they did not find it a waste of time.

The next day I went jogging with BD. Then met up with Tiara. FPS and Limmy joined us after. We had lunch and watched Shrek 3. I somewhat enjoyed the movie, though it seemed rather long. I mucked around at the Curve with the gang. After everybody had left, I stayed on to wander around Borders. Later in the evening, I had dinner with Azman, Nelster, Hus, Fish, BD and Naj. Naj went home early, after treating us to nice tea/coffee at his wife's restaurant.

After, Azman drove us around in his new car: a very nice Toyota Camry.

Then the ladies who had a curfew went home. But Fish, Azman, BD and myself reminisced some more at the mamak. It was almost 2am before Azman and BD called it a day. Sheesh!

Fish and me walked to the CineLeisure carpark. I was ready to drive home and hit the hay. But then Fish invited me to meet up with a couple of ladies. We went dancing at the Laundry. But before long, Laundry was closing down so we head off to another restaurant. God, the nice ladies tried to matchmake me. What is up with people? Why can one not be happy by oneself? I am so going to be a hermit and live in the forest. And read and read and read and maybe when I feel like it: write, cook, eat, and tend to the animals. Except I dont like ghosts. I'd rather have a piece of toast.

When I reached home it was almost 330am.

Then on Sunday, I woke up at noon and went shopping with FPS. He bought a bedroom set and I got a new bed for the new house we are moving to. I hope we can move in next month. It was raining heavily. And Limmy gave me a book: East of Eden by John Steinbeck. My goodness, what a masterpiece. I really do not remember the movie with James Dean being quite like it. But then again, it has been a long time and I do have a sieve for a memory.

I fell asleep at one point or another. When I woke up I went to Pusat Bandar Damansara, for dinner and to withdraw money at HSBC. But i forgot to bring the ATM card. Goodness. However, I did manage to write a few lines of my novel. I was so inspired by Ben Hur written by Lew Wallace.

Before I went home, I went to see Tiara to give her a birthday present: The Zahir by Paulo Coelho. Before I dozed off, read East of Eden to escape the thought of Monday's work.

OK. This is probably the most pointless blog I have ever posted. Sheesh!

Almost - Our Movie

Our movie "Almost" was finally screened. Not many people turned up. Teresa's then-new boyfriend allowed the use of his apartment. I stole the company projector to show it. I returned it the same day. It was damn complicated to smuggle the thing out of the company. Sheesh! Luckily, I did not have to really do that. I was on the way out of my office and walking towards the car park when a random male colleague- too many of them to really keep track, approached me about borrowing the projector. I lied and told him I needed it the next day for a presentation. I let him assumed it was work related. Sheesh! The things I have to do for art.

Tested our movie the night before at Teresa's friend's place. The volume sucked and I had to do the subtitling, which kinda made it better. I asked around if they wanted to do a sequel. No one really wanted to except Teresa. At the moment, I cant promise anything because this year, I must finish writing my novel. I am mad thinking I could write one in Malay. But it is half-way done. So I am quite pleased with it.

Those that turned up had many kind words. So, thank you: David, Teresa, May Ying, Dennis, Laura and Tiara. The best reaction had to go to May Ying's shock after I told her it was David who played the geeky twin, Jacob: "That was David?!"

And for all those that participated in our little movie, I will be sending you guys a copy, soon. I promise. In a nutshell, what you missed were:
1. Waiting around Friendster Cafe in Damansara Perdana for people to turn up.
2. Discovery that Tiara lived at the Ritz. Later turned out to be the Ritze.
3. In our panic to set up the projector, Teresa had hit a button which inadvertently killed the machine. We tried everything to make it work. Then Teresa found a dangling wire and said... "Hey shouldnt this be plugged in somewhere?"
4. Teresa was really excited by the whole thing but still manage to find curtains to darken the room for a cinema ambience. By the end of it, she even managed to squeeze in a quick nap. Sheesh!
5. We watched our movie as David talked to Sam and intermittently left the room because he cant stand the sight of himself on screen. At least he turned up unlike PY. Sigh!
6. We had a ton of cigarettes.
7. After we watched Lock, Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels, which made me realise why Madonna wanted to shag Guy Ritchie. Really felt like weed. Good grief.
8. Went downstairs and had more ciggies.
9. I went home and fantasise about my next movie and a real relief that we had completed the movie.

Poet Sam LaRose

Another evening at No-Black Tie. But instead of the usual jazz or blues acoustic performance, we had poetry. Organised by the British Council, kinda. Jacob Sam LaRose, a non-white (he tried to explain his heritage... which totally confused me) poet from London.

We sat almost in front of the stage: David, Han, Sara and meself! There was the obligatory open mike session which was not so good but only a little less impressive - such audicity and courage! David nearly convinced me to read Sara's shopping list or Things-To-Do on stage as a presage of things to come.

I went home and re-read some of the old stuff I wrote. Sheesh. They were bad!

Tremors

We were at lunch when my collegue informed us that she and another colleague had felt the tremor.
Female colleague: Did you feel that?
Male colleague: Yup. I felt it too.

I made a joke about how romantic that sounded but trust me, it is nothing to joke about when possibly hundreds may have lost their lives in yet another natural disaster. We later learned that it was indeed an earthquake which had killed 70 (and growing) in Indonesia. It was kinda depressing. All the more reason to press on and live Life to the fullest, I say!

Re-claim Your Identity

Somebody sent me an email wishing me a Happy Australia Day. Funny. Because I have been to Australia once for 7 days and I have never considered myself Australian. But it got me thinking about why we think who we are in the first place. A topic of consideration which usually fucks with my brain that I fall asleep from exhaustion.

I then started to rank myself in terms of my allegiance. I like to think that I am a world citizen foremost, a malay who is a friend of other Malaysians and a Muslim to my faithful brothers and sisters. But the truth is; I think I have never been a good Muslim and fear that my faithful siblings will disown me. And since being a Muslim is such an integral part of being a Malay in this country, well… I am fucked in that department too. I have pre-conceptions about Blacks and Jews, Indians and Indonesians, not too mention Indonesians; I have no idea what it means to be an American Native either. So, how can I claim to be a citizen of the world?

Such a quagmire is Identity.

I began to wonder what would happen if I just cut up my MyKad. I wonder if it would be a crime to destroy your own MyKad. Perhaps we could rally Malaysians to cut up their MyKad. Is that sedition? I mean more like a kind of performance art rather than a protest in the vein of Feminism’s bra-burning. Thereafter, we can all go the NRD and kinda claim back our identity. That would be so cool.

Tax Reform

Malaysian Tax to be charged on properties owned and income earned in Malaysia. To qualify for Malaysian Tax status, companies or individuals must earn an income in Malaysia.

Property tax will be at 1% of market value of property and capped at a multiple of the KLCI.

Property tax will be calculated on consolidated basis at the ultimate holding company level.

Income tax will be at 1% and capped at a multiple of the KLCI.

For companies, income tax will be calculated based on net profit at the consolidated level too. For individuals, income tax it will be based on all moneys earned regardless of locality.

Radio and TV

Met up with PY and RR tonight at Asia Cafe, which according to RR has everything he needs: Chicks, Food and Pool. Apparently, it also has funny titled porn. But then again, porn titles are generally rather amusing. But I digress. In fact all of us did tonight. Mostly towards sex.

I wanted to meet up with PY because I owed her some money. And since she was already meeting up with RR, I thought about asking them both about doing a radio show with me. The original idea I had was to do a show at the Centre of Independent Journalism (CIJ). It was conceived after a couple of visits to their headquarters in Ampang. I wanted to do a Sophie's World type of programme, introducing kids and the Malaysian public to philosophy. With possibly actors (i.e. me friends from VTC) playing the role of the major philosophers.

But after tonight's discussion. Everybody thought it was boring. Though they were quite nice about it. It was decided that we needed to do a more accessible show, perhaps a forum type of programme. For example, asking people whether "all was fair in love and war". And let it all flow naturally. I came up with another idea: "If you could be invisible, would you commit a crime?" I thought it would be fun to ask children these type of questions and do an analysis. This would include what philosophers thought about such an ethical quagmire. Other possible ideas include "Time travel: Is it possible to change the past? Would you do it?"

Out of nowhere, RR asked us whether we should do a TV programme instead. We decided that we were going to do one based on our experiences in VTC, which had many weird characters and plenty of drama. PY said we should spice it up by making them have sex with each other. RR said it would be totally cool/fucked up if we cast the people of VTC as themselves. PY said maybe we could have a Simon Cowell character auditioning the wannabe actors! I thought it would be really cool too, if we had Gavin Yap auditioning for the show and our judges huddle and our Simon says: "Nah... He's too Gavin Yap!" Hilarious!

Hence, it was resolved that each of us was to write an idea/synopsis/treatment for one episode. Due next year. I cant wait.

Cinema Close Down

2006 is almost over. It would appear that the free movie screenings by Finas in conjunction with Kaki Kino which was stopped nearly half a year ago has died. It is indeed very sad that movie lovers of this country is deprived due to irresponsible people who are not worthy to be called journalists. People should be allowed to think for themselves. Or else we might as well be sheep. I would like to record for posterity a letter I wrote to the subscribers of Kaki Kino and Finas film buffs, written in April 2006.

Dear all

It really pissed me off to see an incompetent reporter and editor of a newspaper lambasting a decent effort by decent people to watch and learn about film. This reporter did not interview me or many of you whom I believe thoroughly enjoyed the terribly nice movies shown at Finas. I did not see any children there. If wayward children wanted to see nudity they do not have to travel all the way to Finas. They can go to any shopping centre and buy pirated pornography, which is far more graphic, base and totally meaningless. How can someone compare the films to pornography? Must be mad!

The point of the movies shown at Finas is not the nudity (or the violence, which was hardly mentioned in the article written by an OM). I believe these scenes are important and crucial to the story.

It is depressing that the clarion of the nation chose to highlight the nude scenes and not the fact that:
(a) millions of jews were killed by a single mad resolute tyrant (Die-untergang or The Final Day);
(b) the imposition of drugs on the lives of ordinary people (Maria Full of Grace);
(c) conflict and hardships of people who have resorted to killing children in order to raise their own (Blind Shaft); or
(d) Paris can be violent and unromantic and you'll miss your parents when they die and killing their murderers will not help. (The Beat that My Heart Skipped).

I think we should do something about this. Maybe write a petition (see draft petition below, cut and paste, print and send/fax or email it) to the Powers That Be and get the reporter and editor of the Berita Harian dismissed. Because they clearly favour sensationalism and spreading of lies about Finas and Kaki Kino which is unworthy of a national newspaper and unhealthy to our nation and therefore a potential threat to the well-being of her citizens.

p.s.: If this is the reporter (AA) who was awarded the Anugerah Kewartawanan bagi kategori media cetak in 2000 given to him by PAPITA, they should take the award back because clearly this shows a lack of journalism spirit.

pps: Sorry to scare everyone, Finas is not closing down (well not that I know of). I just thought I needed an attention-grabbing Subject Line. Sigh.

pps: If you do not have the time, at the very least spread the word: forward this to everyone on your mailing list.

The Draft Petition

"BRING OUR FILMS BACK" :

Y.B. DATUK ZAINUDIN BIN MAIDIN
Menteri Penerangan,
Kementerian Penerangan,
Tingkat 8, Angkasapuri,
50610 KUALA LUMPUR.

Dear Powers That Be

We the undersigned totally enjoyed the screenings at Finas. The screening was for film enthusiasts. Not for people who wish to watch pornography. No one was hurt by the screening of these films, except perhaps OMs who have no clue what real films are about.

Please grant Finas and Kaki Kino permission to carry on with the screenings of the films in their original form i.e. without censorship. If you are concerned that children will be harmed, we promise that no children will be allowed to enter the cinema and require that every participant register and produce proper identification. Furthermore, we the undersign commit that we are all of child bearing age. This means that if we choose to, we are allowed to get married in real life. Therefore are very likely to indulge in sex. We also declare that we are patriots, willing to die for Malaysia.

Therefore in view that we are legally allowed to have sex and die for our country in real life, we should be allowed to view works of art which depict the reality in which we live in.

As such, we believe that the Powers That Be must recognise our right to behold such works of art if we choose to. Those who object nudity should stay at home and read Popular Fairy Tales. However, skip the Emperor's New Clothes because (spoiler warning -stop reading now if you dont want to know about a major plot twist) there is nudity in there too.

Yours sincerely,
"BRING OUR FILMS BACK" SUPPORTER

[Sign here]

c.c.

Y.A.B. DATO' SERI ABDULLAH BIN HAJI AHMAD BADAWI
Perdana Menteri merangkap Menteri Kewangan dan Menteri Keselamatan Dalam Negeri,
Pejabat Perdana Menteri,
Bangunan Perdana Putra,
Pusat Pentadbiran Kerajaan Persekutuan,
62502 PUTRAJAYA
Fax: 03-88884333

Y.B. DATUK SERI UTAMA DR. RAIS YATIM
Menteri Kesenian, Kebudayaan dan Warisan,
Kementerian Kesenian, Kebudayaan dan Warisan,
Tingkat 36, Menara Dato' Onn,
Pusat Dagangan Dunia Putra,
45, Jalan Tun Ismail,
50694 KUALA LUMPUR

Fax: 03 2691 3758

Perbadanan Kemajuan Filem Nasional Malaysia
Kompleks Studio Merdeka
Jalan Hulu Kelang,
68000 Ampang, Selangor
Fax: 603-41075216

Berita Harian
Balai Berita, 31 Jalan Riong, 59100 Kuala Lumpur
Fax: 03 2283 2425, 03 22824340
E-mail: bh@bharian.com.my

The offending (read: criminal and ironically immoral) article

Babak lucah ditayang di pawagam Finas?

Oleh Akmal Abdullah

BEBERAPA warga filem yang mengikuti tayangan siri filem antarabangsa pada setiap malam Rabu di Pawagam P Ramlee, di Kompleks Studio Merdeka, kesal dan marah terhadap penganjur yang tidak menapis filem berkenaan terlebih terdahulu kerana membiarkan aksi seks dan pelakon berbogel dipertontonkan kepada umum.

Babak tidak senonoh itu dikatakan bukan saja ditunjukkan dalam satu filem tetapi sudah beberapa kali ditayangkan mengikut judul tertentu sejak siri filem antarabangsa diperkenalkan pada Februari lalu, tanpa larangan sesiapa sekalipun ia ditayangkan di pawagam dalam bangunan bangunan milik kerajaan di ibu pejabat agensi perfileman nasional.

Lebih memalukan, beberapa filem yang ditayang itu turut ditonton remaja belasan tahun, pelajar pusat pengajian tinggi dan sekolah yang menemani ibu bapa mereka menerusi siri tayangan filem itu yang dijadikan acara mingguan di ibu pejabat Perbadanan Kemajuan Filem Nasional Malaysia (Finas).

Difahamkan, semua filem yang ditayangkan di situ juga tidak pernah mendapat kelulusan Lembaga Penapisan Filem Malaysia (LPF). Malah, pengurusan Finas juga dikatakan tidak pernah memeriksa terlebih dulu filem berkenaan sebelum ia dipertontonkan kepada umum.

Sesi tayangan itu dikendalikan Institut Alam dan Tamadun Melayu (Atma) Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) dan Kaki Kino, iaitu grup peminat dan perunding filem artistik yang banyak merujuk filem Barat dan Asia untuk pendedahan peminat filem di negara ini.

Tayangan filem berkenaan yang dibuka kepada orang ramai secara percuma dan diberi siaran publisiti termasuk menerusi internet adalah salah satu usaha mengajak peminat filem tempatan menontonnya bertujuan 'mendedahkan filem hebat dari luar negara'.

Sumber-sumber dalam industri berkata, tayangan salah satu filem berjudul Blind Shaft pada 5 April lalu jelas menunjukkan beberapa babak perlakuan pelakon berbogel dan melakukan hubungan seks yang boleh dikategorikan sebagai lucah.

"Adegan lucah seperti seorang pelakon wanita berbogel dan kemudian melakukan hubungan seks tidak wajar ditayang secara terbuka seperti ini, sekalipun atas alasan mahu mengajak penonton menonton filem bermutu dan menarik dari segi artistik atau naratifnya. Apa yang jelas, babak lucah adalah haram ditayang secara terbuka kerana tayangan filem ini dibuka kepada orang ramai.

"Kami berharap Finas dapat memantau kegiatan tayangan filem sebegini. Kementerian Kebudayaan Ksenian dan Warisan juga harus bertanggungjawab memastikan tidak ada pihak menyalahgunakan kemudahan dan pawagam kerajaan untuk membenarkan filem tidak bermoral ditayangkan secara terbuka.

"Lebih mengecewakan, tayangan filem sebegini dianjurkan Atma iaitu satu agensi akademik dari UKM yang memperjuangkan alam, adab, budaya, pemikiran dan tamadun Melayu," kata sumber itu.

Selain Blind Shaft, iaitu filem dari China arahan Li Yang, antara babak lucah lain dan aksi bogel yang pernah ditunjukkan ialah menerusi filem Korea, berjudul Spring Summer Autumn Winter...And Spring arahan Kim ki-duk yang ditayangkan di pawagam sama pada 1 Mac lalu.

Merujuk kepada risalah publisiti yang diterima Hip dan dikeluarkan Atma UKM dan Kaki Kino, antara individu yang mengendalikan urusan penayangan filem berkenaan ialah Ahli Lembaga Pengarah Finas sendiri, Dr Wan Zawawi Ibrahim yang juga Karyawan Tamu Atma serta Gareth A Richards dari Kaki Kino.

Filem Jerman papar aksi wanita tunjuk buah dada

SEORANG penonton yang enggan namanya disiarkan berkata, dia mengaku turut bersama menonton semua filem berkenaan yang ditayang di Pawagam P Ramlee menerusi siri tayangan berkenaan dan mendapati memang ada babak lucah dan bogel dibiarkan tanpa potongan pada filem tertentu.

"Secara undang-undang dan moral, ia nyata memang lucah dan tidak boleh ditayangkan kepada umum, apatah lagi ditayang dalam kawasan bangunan kerajaan. Selain Blind Shaft dan satu filem Korea, saya juga pernah menonton satu filem Jerman berjudul Die-untergang (The Final Day) yang mengisahkan sejarah Hitler tetapi dalam satu adegan berparti, ada babak aksi watak perempuan menunjukkan buah dada. Saya terkejut kerana filem itu tidak dipotong.

"Penganjur sesi tayangan ini harus lebih bertanggungjawab dan menghantar filem berkenaan terlebih dulu untuk tapisan kepada LPF. Memang babak lucah tidak disiarkan dalam tempoh lama iaitu cuma sekitar beberapa saat tetapi ia dipaparkan secara kerap," kata penonton itu.

Seorang karyawan filem yang turut bersama menonton Blind Shat dan Spring Summer Autumn Winter... And Spring mengaku terkejut apabila babak seks secara terang diperontonkan di pawagam berkenaan dan menegur wakil penganjur kerana babak itu tidak sesuai untuk tayangan kepada orang ramai.

"Tetapi teguran saya tidak diendahkan mereka. Malah, mereka beri alasan tidak perlu hantar filem berkenaan kepada LPF kerana banyak kerenah birokrasi. Saya dan beberapa kawan yang datang menonton filem pada malam berkenaan juga terasa malu dan marah apatah lagi ada remaja dan pelajar turut bersama menonton. Kami jadi tidak selesa," katanya yang berhasrat menghantar surat aduan kepada Finas dan Atma.

Pawagam P Ramlee terletak di tingkat dua ibu pejabat Perbadanan Kemajuan Filem Nasional Malaysia (Malaysia). Siri tayangan filem itu menyajikan judul filem asing atau filem tempatan hasil pengarah indie untuk seminggu sekali pada setiap Rabu.

Untuk bulan ini, filem yang dipilih ialah Blind Shaft (5 April), The Beat That My Heard Skipped (12 April), Machuca (19 April), King's game (26 April) dan The Big Durian (29 April).

Form my own Political Party!

If I were the Prime Minister, this will be what I would do:

1. Take no paycheck.
2. Gradually change the taxation system to eventually collect:
1. No taxation on government employees’s incomes;
2. Minimal taxation as low as 5% on incomes of individuals and public listed companies;
3. Maximum taxation of 10% on incomes of private enterprise;
4. Flat rate property tax of 2% for all Malaysians (individuals and enterprise), on any Malaysian property
3. Disband the censorship board and allow the unions/associations to set-up their own rating systems for books, movies and other performance arts.
4. Raise the poverty line to RM5,000 and remove those under it within 15 years.
5. Gradually turn the government into a 24 hour service center. But reduce working hours for government employees, through shifts.
6. School starts at 5 and ends at 16 years. Tests only for entrance to universities given by universities and audited by the Ministry of Education.
7. Make the government pay for the teaching of all 17 year olds to drive cars AND motorcycles properly and let insurance companies decide whether to give individuals a licence to drive. JPJ will no longer test students but will still give out licences.
8. Voting, driving, drinking, smoking, consenting/contractual ages to be standardised: 18 years.
9. No more billboards because there is no censorship.
10. Legalise and regulate, gambling, recreational drugs and prostitution.
11. Remove information on race and religion from NRICs. They are irrelevant. Ban DNA tagging too, because soon it will be possible to access/hack your DNA using your NRIC.
12. Merge SOCSO and EPF.
13. National service: First: after school or 18, whichever earlier and Second: after retirement or 55, whichever earlier.

Horny Animals

People get so worked up about the strangest things: like Horny Gay Animal Sex. And I dont mean that in the euphemistic sense. Some animals really like going to Brokeback Mountain. But it is kinda silly for people to get upset about the new exhibit at the Museum of Natural History, Oslo, Norway, called Against Nature.

Seriously, people who eat animals really cannot take the high road when it comes to how other animals should live. Oh- the irony of it all.

Prude: These people should go to hell.
Me: Why?
Prude: Because we should not be exposing our kids to this kind of shit.
Me: Whose kids?
Prude: Kids in general.
Me: I dont mind my kids learning about how animals fuck each other, we have internet. They've seen worse.
Prude: I am not talking to you.
Me: Oh dont run away, cant we be friends?
Prude: Wifey, kids, lets go to lunch.
Wife: Let's go to Nando's.
Me: Do you kids know that a lot of animals taste like chicken?
Kids: They do?
Me: And you know why?
Kids: Why?
Me: Because a lot of them like to eat cock.
Prude: Why you... (chasing after me)

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum

With lyrics and music from Stephen Sondheim you cant really go wrong.

The kids at International School KL are unsurprisingly talented. That much I expected and the forgiving crowd could do worse. For RM15, I thought it was a steal! From the sweeping show tunes to epic production sets, crazy costume designs to the cast and crew of more than 40, it had all the elements of a great musical. In a word: VeryCamp.

From the moment Pseudolus (George Zahir Mawji Bull, great voice effortless acting) came on stage announcing that it is indeed comedy tonite, the audience was hooked. The story set in Rome revolves around lovers, politicians, courtesans, slaves, eunuchs, bumbling soldiers, cross dressing, disguises and mistaken identity (intentional), with, as divulged in the opening number: of course a happy ending.

Pseudolus, a slave wanting to be "Free" struck up a bargain with his master's young son, Hero (Drew Leusner, suitably awkward): Freedom in exchange for the love of his life. Concocting one scheme after another, the deft Pseudolus masterminded the whole affair: First by seeking out the fair virgin, Philia (Elissa Daniels, whose got the looks and the voice to carry "Lovely") who apparently lives in the notorious House of Marcus Lycus (Ankit Panda, being unclean was never so funny) with his bevy of nefarious beauties, comprising among others, a belly dancer, gemini twins and a dominatrix. Thereafter, Pseudolus tricks Lycus into thinking that she has the plague, diagnosed by her incessant smiling, quipping that the whole of Crete was full of people lying and smiling.

Conveniently, Hero's parents, Senex (Andrew Chiw, who apprently looks like moi) the senator and his wife, Domina (Shruti Sehgal, who effectively brought bad singing, though completely in tune, into higher art) have gone to the country thus leaving the Chief Slave, Hysterium (Reihan Nadarajah, who relishly plays quite possibly the gayest character on the show) in charge of the household.

Alas Hero and Philia, whose sole talent is being lovely, cannot be together because she has been sold to Miles Gloriosus (Balazs Szabo, undiscovered potential perhaps), a pompous narcissitic violent captain. Thus, a plan is hatched to fake Philia's death, with a sleeping potion (courtesy of the reluctant accomplice Hysterium who apparently is an erotic pottery collector) ala Romeo and Juliet. The plan foils though as Philia is a religious Cretin and refuses to drink the wine (which has been spiked). In the meantime, she takes refuge in Senex's house.

Imagine Pseudolus' and Hysterium's shock when Senex returns earlier than expected. Philia duped into thinking that Senex is Captain Gloriosus and Senex conned into thinking she is the new maid (because "Everybody Oughta Have A Maid") hired to satisfy his every whim caused Hero much anxiety even as the real Gloriosus is fast approaching.

With no bride to speak of and the contract for the sale of Philia paid for, Lycus decides to move his entourage of kinky gals to Senex's house, while Pseudolus assumes his identity. To make matters worse, Domina returns suspecting that her husband is up to something, as she puts it: low. To do so, she disguises herself as a blonde maiden in a flowing white robe.

Luckily, Senex is preparing to take Philia at his absent neighbour's house, Erroneus (Synovve Eriksen) who has been searching for his long lost children who are only recognizable by their matching rings, engraved with at least a gaggle of seven geese.

Time for plan B: find a body double to fool Gloriosus in the form of a dead cross dressing Hysterium, donning a blonde wig and white flowing robe. Upon his arrival, Gloriosus was at first angry that his bride-to-be was nowhere to be found and later, grief stricken that his betrothed is dead. But when he wants his bride to be cremated, it was the last straw for Hysterium who stirs from his reluctant demise. And a keystone chase sequence ensues.

Finding no way out, Pseudolus confesses that he has fooled everyone and vows to kills himself (which he unsuccessfully faked by drinking the sleeping potion). Thus the masquerade is revealed and all is put right. Or so it seems. But just as Gloriosus gets his paws on his would-be bride, Erroneus discovers that Gloriosus and Philia both have the geese rings, meaning that they are brother and sister. Eww.

Thus, finally Hero claims his true love Philia, Erroneus is united with his family, Senex reconciles with his wife (claiming that he could see through her disguise as the fair Philia) and Pseudolus (having drank a passion potion instead of the sleeping potion) became a slave once again, keeping the promise: Comedy Tonight/A Happy Ending.